


And if Happiness Won't Come to Me, Hand Me the Nitrous Gas

by Bluehaven4220



Category: due South
Genre: Benton is a good friend, Brothers and Sisters - Freeform, F/M, Friendship, New Job, Single Parents
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-10
Updated: 2018-02-10
Packaged: 2019-03-16 10:38:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,494
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13634595
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bluehaven4220/pseuds/Bluehaven4220
Summary: Constable Karen Alexander's life is a whirlwind of loss, confusion, and struggle. That is, until she joins the RCMP and meets Constable Benton FraserPrequel to "Run the Sword Back in the Stone"





	And if Happiness Won't Come to Me, Hand Me the Nitrous Gas

**Author's Note:**

> Currently unbeta'd, so all mistakes are mine

Not for the first time in my life, I’d been disappointed in the cards that I’d been dealt. There had to be more to life than standing on my feet for twelve hours a day, asking each customer the same questions over and over again.  _ Paper or plastic? Would you like some help packing your groceries? Cash or card?  _ But, even if there is more to life, this is simply what I have to do. 

And the thing is, my mother and brother are in the same situation. It’s been this way since I was five, when my dad died. He worked on the oil rigs in Saskatoon, while we stayed in Moose Jaw. And the day the phone rang, and my mother drove to the rig, and when she came home without him, I knew. I knew that my daddy was dead, and that he was never coming back.

Unfortunately, his pension ran out soon after, and my mother’s home sewing business didn’t bring much in. So, we had to sell the house and move into a tiny two bedroom apartment, and even then, with Mom later getting a job at the diner around the corner, supplemented with welfare  _ and _ trips to the food bank, we still struggled. My brother Niall was only two years older than me, so when we first moved in, it wasn’t difficult for us to share a bedroom. But by the time he was ten, he and our mother switched, and her bedroom became his while she slept on the fold out couch. It wasn’t perfect, but we made do. I even offered to have her sleep in my room, since the two single beds in one room worked just fine, but she insisted on her children having their own space.

More often than not, I found myself wondering what to do with my life. I couldn’t continue, at the age of twenty-eight, to still be working cash and stocking shelves at the grocery store while Niall shoveled tar and my mother took in sewing. It was slowly killing all three of us. Niall had even given the second bedroom to my mother again and was sleeping on the couch that had never been replaced. It couldn’t have been good for his back, never mind the rest of him. I pondered this as I walked into the public library after work and logged onto the only computer with dial up internet, and typed  _ RCMP recruitment _ into a search.

I quickly wrote the phone number down on a piece of paper, then shoved that paper in my pocket, then went home and showered, having already had a long day of it. Truth be told, it was a week later that I found the phone number in my pants while turning out the pockets for laundry. Without even thinking about it, I went into the kitchen and dialed. Thankfully, both Niall and my mother were out, so I was able to request an information package, which would be sent to our mailbox.

In truth, waiting for that information package was the longest wait of my life. The days dragged on like nobody’s business, and my body felt wound up, like I was preparing to run. I wanted to read the package and decide whether it was really right for me before I actually submitted an application. Of course, knowing my mother, she would probably jump to conclusions before having all the information. I wanted to avoid that.

Of course, the  _ one day  _ I had to stay late was the day the package came in the mail, and when I got home, it was lying in the middle of the table beside a pot of tea, my mother waiting for me.

“What is  _ this,  _ Karen?” she asked.

ooOoo

“And hello to you too,” Karen answered, closing the front door and dropping her handbag by the table in the hall. “And unless my powers of deduction have completely deserted me in my old age, hardy ha ha ha,  _ that _ is a teapot,  _ that  _ is a placemat, you are holding a mug that I can only assume holds tea from said teapot, and  _ on  _ the table is the RCMP recruitment package that I sent away for three weeks ago.”

“What for?”

“Oh well, I don’t know. Perhaps I wanted to browse the catalogue, enroll, and find myself a husband.”

“Don’t you sass me.”

“Who’s sassing?” she hung her jacket over the kitchen chair and picked the file up. “I was simply answering your question.”

“Joking and sass aside, daughter dear, how is this any better from what you’re doing now?”

“What  _ am  _ I doing now?” Karen challenged, the tension tightening in her shoulders. “Working twelve hours or more at the grocery store while you and Niall work your hands to the bone, and for what? We still have such trouble making ends meet. If I don’t at least submit an application, nothing’s going to change. I don’t  _ want _ things to remain as they are. We deserve more than this… we have  _ always  _ deserved more than this, Mom.”

“I did my best with what I had,” Kate insisted.

“Oh God, Mom, don’t do this. I know you did your best,” Karen ran her hand down her face. “This is not about your choices as a parent. This is about me, your daughter, wanting to do something more with her life.”

Kate sighed, sweeping a hand over the table. “You always were too stubborn for your own good.” As Karen sat down, she poured another mug of tea. “If this is something you really want to do, then Lord knows I can’t stop you. And I won’t try to. But, please,  _ really  _ think about it. Consider your options, okay baby?”

Karen gave her mother a quick smile and pulled the contents of the envelope out, spreading them on the table. “Let’s look at this together.”

The relief in Kate’s eyes was evident. Once they had done so, Karen filled out the application attached to the back of the booklet, folded it into an envelope, and, the next morning, walked to the post office and mailed it off. The chances of her receiving a response were slim, but, as she’d said to her mother, if she didn’t at least try, nothing would change.

As Karen soon found out, the application process was rigorous, long, and a lot more complicated than she’d initially thought. A week’s stay in Regina (which ate most of her savings), interviews, physical fitness tests, and background checks were simply par for the course. Luckily, she’d always kept herself in good health, and stayed out of trouble as a teenager and adult. With the amount of hours she worked, it was often all she could do to get home, shower, eat, and go to bed. That left very little time for anything else.

Six weeks later, as Karen, Kate, and Niall all sat down to dinner (fish and chips, on account of Niall getting a raise), a large envelope bearing the RCMP insignia and mailing address was burning a hole in Karen’s backpack. She was almost scared to open it, but she wasn’t sure why. After all, it would start with either one of two things.  _ We are pleased to inform you that…  _ or  _ Thank you for your interest in the Royal Canadian Mounted Police cadet training program, however… _

But that could wait until after dinner. It had been a very long time since they’d had such a rich meal. Normally it’d be instant soup and frozen peas, maybe mashed potatoes and the occasional egg, when they could afford it. Even as children, they’d wrapped themselves in sweaters and hats and mittens for warmth instead of turning on the heat. Warming their underwear in the oven before school was a common practice as well.

“Something interesting in your backpack, sis?” Niall stabbed a piece of fish on the end of his fork and dipped it in tartar sauce. “Your head’s spinning to look at it every fifteen seconds.”

“You keeping count, big brother?” Karen smiled and took a drink of water. “Or are you just staring because you’re bored?”

“Who said anything about bored?” Niall popped a french fry in his mouth and chewed. “Frankly I’m kinda wondering if that police school has sent you anything back. It’s been, what, six months?”

“Since I applied, yeah. Six weeks since I had the interview.”

“So is that why you’re so distracted?” Kate jumped in. “ _ Have  _ they sent you something back?”

Karen cleared her throat. “Yes they did.”

Both her mother and brother stared at her in shock. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I’m too nervous to open it,” Karen put down her fork and wiped her hand with the towelette that had been provided with their meals. “I mean, I know it’ll say one of two things, and I’m too much of a coward to even open the envelope.”

Niall copied her earlier action and got up. “I’ll open it then, little sister. That way you’re surprised, no matter what it says.”  

“I hate surprises,” she watched as Niall went searching in her backpack. “It’s in the big front pocket.”

“Got it,” he closed the zipper and brought the envelope to the table, sticking his finger in the top and ripping it open. It only occurred to her a moment later that, if it were a rejection letter, the envelope would have been smaller and quite a bit thinner. Oh Lord, did that mean…

“Sissy…” Niall reached over and pinched her arm to get her attention. “It says you’re in.”

She jumped. Not just at the slight pain but also at the fact that he’d used an old nickname for her. When her parents had brought her home from the hospital, he’d had a hard time saying her name, so Sissy had stuck. In truth, she’d used to hate the fact that he still called her that occasionally, but not this time.

“I swear to God, Niall, if you’re not being serious right now, I’m going to make you bleed.”

“I mean it, look!” He held the letter out to her, waited as she took it with trembling hands. And as she read it, it suddenly hit her where she lived.

Niall had been telling her the truth. There it was, in black and white. She’d been accepted to the RCMP cadet training program.

What had she done?

As excited as she was, the look in Kate and Niall’s eyes was equal parts sad and bewildered. And seeing that, Karen could feel her excitement weaning, and something akin to terror bubbling up in her chest.

“I…” she stumbled over her words. “I’m going for a walk.” She closed the front door behind her, and spent the next half an hour wandering around the neighbourhood.

The same thoughts kept running through her head. She’d done it. She’d actually  _ done _ it. She’d applied to the RCMP and had been accepted.  _ But _ that also meant leaving Moose Jaw, and her mother and brother. That meant one less person contributing to the household income, and without her, they wouldn’t be able to afford the apartment… Good Lord, if she left, she’d be abandoning her family to homelessness!

Somehow, she ended up sitting in the park only six blocks away from the house, watching the world go by. She didn’t even hear anyone walking up behind her until Niall appeared out of the corner of her eye.

“Hey…” he greeted her.

“Hey.”

“Can I join you?”

“If you like, it’s a free country.”

“Hardy ha ha ha.” Niall sat down. “Staring at anything in particular?”

“Nah…” it was always easy, talking to him. He was only two years older, but sometimes, she mused, it seemed as though he had all the answers. “I don’t know what to do.”

“Can I help?”

“Maybe,” she leaned over and put her head on her brother’s shoulder. “I put that application in just to see if they’d accept me, and now that they  _ have _ … Niall, I can’t leave you and Mom. I mean… I don’t  _ want _ to still be living at home, but it’s all I know. What if I leave and then you lose the apartment? I can’t let you two be potentially homeless!”

“Karen,” Niall put his arm around her shoulder. “Relax. We’ll find a way. We always have.”

“But…”

“I think the reason you put that application in the mail is that you want and need your independence.” He rubbed her shoulder. “And not a moment too soon.”

What?

“I think you can do it, Sissy,” he used that old nickname again. “Go. I’ll stay and take care of Mom.”

“I can’t ask you to do that!”

“You’re not asking. I’m offering,” he made her look him in the eyes. “I’ll be able to move eventually. Right now, you need it more. I think you can do it,” Niall repeated, gently embracing her. “Besides, when you move I’ll get your room.”

Karen chuckled against his shirt, reached around and punched him in the shoulder blade. “Dick.”

They laughed as the wind roared behind them.

ooOoo

Karen Alexander, one of the newest graduates for the RCMP cadet training program, swallowed the lump in her throat as she pushed open the door of the Canadian consulate in Chicago. She was then greeted by a smiling constable with his Stetson on the desk by his elbow. 

“Welcome to the Canadian Consulate. My name is Constable Turnbull,” the man greeted her, looking up from his paperwork. “How can I help you, erhm…”

“Constable Karen Alexander,” I introduced myself. “I’m here to see Inspector Thatcher?”

“Ah. Then welcome to you, Constable. Please have a seat, I’ll inform Inspector Thatcher that you’ve arrived.” He pointed to the three chairs to the right of the reception desk. “Can I get you anything while you wait?”

“A glass of water wouldn’t go amiss, thank you,” Karen answered as she sat down in one of the chairs, her bag lying at her feet. She heard a door open a few minutes as she drank the glass of water Constable Turnbull had brought her.

“Constable Alexander?” she heard what she could only assume was Inspector Thatcher’s voice and her heels clicking against the linoleum as she made her way from her office to greet Karen in the hallway.

“Yes?”

“Inspector Margaret Thatcher,” she extended her hand and gripped Karen’s in introduction. “Please come in.”

“Thank you,” Karen grabbed her bag and followed Inspector Thatcher into her office, jokes about how the older woman might have been named after the former British Prime Minister dancing on her tongue. She was sure Inspector Thatcher would have heard them all before.

“So…” Inspector Thatcher closed her office door and sat behind her desk. “My understanding is that you’ve been sent here as a Junior Liaison Officer, is that correct?”

“Yes ma’am,” Karen answered. “I requested a posting that needed to be filled immediately.”

Thatcher raised an eyebrow. “You are aware that I already have two liaison officers here?”

“Yes ma’am,” Karen had no expectations other than an interview. There’d been no guarantee of a position. If nothing else, she still had a return ticket to Depot, and they’d probably find her something else. “However, it was my understanding that Constable Fraser is liasing heavily with the Chicago Police Department, and that you’d requested an additional officer be sent down to fill in.”

“Hmm…” Thatcher picked up Karen’s extremely thin employment file and read through it. “You’ve just graduated from Depot?”

“That’s correct,” Karen nodded. “About a week and a half ago. I received notice that I was to be flying down to meet you a few days after.”

Thatcher nodded. “How much do you know about what the Consulate does?”

She rattled off an explanation straight out of the handbook, but Thatcher seemed pleased with her response. As such, she walked out of the Consulate half an hour later, job offer in hand, asking her to start work the following Monday.

 

ooOoo  

Three months after starting with the Consulate, Karen had settled into her new apartment and position quite comfortably. Inspector Thatcher had started her on sentry duty rotation along with Constable Turnbull, with occasional emergency passport applications and dinner parties for high ranking officials. Who knew that her days of stocking shelves and organizing store rooms would come in handy in a government job? 

Still, she couldn’t help but feel a bit lonely as well, despite how busy she was. She still hadn’t really made any friends (a few acquaintances, including Constables Fraser and Turnbull, though she barely saw the former), and missed her mother and brother terribly. They wrote to each other frequently, and called each other whenever they could, but it didn’t replace the constant day-to-day contact they’d had before.

Heading back to her desk after a sentry duty shift, she walked by the front desk, intent on getting herself to her office as quickly as possible when she heard a soft voice from the chairs. “Hey Sissy.”

Karen stopped dead in her tracks. Niall was the only person who’d ever called her Sissy, and certainly the only person who would have permission to do so. He couldn’t be… what was he doing in Chicago, and dressed in a suit and tie, of all things?

Ignoring the fact that both Fraser and Turnbull had just come in from outside, Karen hugged Niall tightly. “Something tells me you’re here to break my heart,” she whispered in his ear before letting him go and turning to her coworkers. “This is my brother, Niall.”

“Pleased to meet you,” Fraser offered his hand before heading back to his own office. Turnbull seemed struck dumb, stammering about how Karen had never mentioned having a brother before.

Biting her cheek in an effort not to laugh at the expression on Turnbull’s face, Karen led Niall back to her office and closed the door behind them.

“Where’d you get the suit, big brother?” she asked as she sat back in her chair across from him. “It looks like Sam’s.”

“It  _ is _ Sam’s,” Niall answered. “I bought it from him and Shannon tailored it to fit.”

“Why would you buy Sam’s old suit?” she was truly perplexed. In her experience, the only time she’d seen someone wearing a suit was at a graduation or a funeral. “Who died?”

“No one,” Niall insisted, raising his hands as though surrendering. “I came down because I thought you should hear what’s happened first hand.”

“Okay. Well if no one died, what do I need to hear first hand?”

He gulped, gathering up his courage.

“I’ve joined up.”

Time seemed to slow down. There was a buzzing noise in her ears as she saw Niall’s lips move, the room was spinning….

“You  _ didn’t…” _ she managed. “Tell me you’re joking. For the love of all things Holy, tell me you’re joking.”

“I’m not joking, Sissy…”

“Don’t!” she held up a finger to silence him. Now was not the time for old nicknames. To use a nickname lent a lightness to the situation that was certainly not called for. “Not now, Niall.” Blinking, she swallowed to regain her composure. “I must have misheard you. Either that or you're trying to make me laugh. It's damn well not funny. Did you just say that you’ve joined the army?”

Niall swallowed a quick response and simply nodded.

“Why?” It made absolutely no sense. He’d told her before she’d moved to Depot that he’d stay and take care of their mother, that he would try to find a different job than in the tar pits and oil rigs, but she’d never  _ dreamed _ it’d be something so drastic.

“Because I needed…”

“What about Mom?”

“She’s moving in with Shannon and Sam.”

“Great,” Karen slumped forward in her chair and hid her face in her hands. “Amazing. Doing what? Is she going to be a glorified babysitter for Sam and Shannon?”

“They're going to pay her. She'd be an au pair, I think it's called." He paused for a moment. "Karen, I… I wanted to tell you in person. I couldn’t say this over the phone. I only had today to come and visit you since they’re sending me off for basic training this weekend.”

“This weekend….” she echoed. “This weekend? My God. Niall…” Karen felt tears welling as she lifted her head to look her brother in the eyes. “You’ll die. If you go over to wherever they end up sending you, you’re going to die. I just know it.”

“Sissy…” Niall tried again. “I don’t even know if, when, or where they’d be sending me. There’s no need to worry.”

“Yet.”

“But maybe…”

“I don’t want to hear this.” She cut him off, anger and rage creeping up in the back of her throat. “You lied to me, Niall..." she got up and paced the room a few more times before deciding on a course of action. "I think you should go.” Karen walked to her office door. Pulling it open, she tilted her head and waited for Niall to stand up. She very calmly walked him to the door.

He looked hurt as she ushered him out the door. “If I never see you again it’ll be too soon,” she whispered so only he could hear. “Have a nice life.”

Shutting the Consulate’s front door, she turned and ran a hand down her face. In hindsight, to turn her back on her brother may have been extremely harsh, but at this point in time, it was the only thing she could do. In shock, she closed her office door, turned out the light, and put her head down on her desk.

ooOoo

He hadn’t liked the way Karen had ushered her brother out the door. Even if she’d gotten bad news, Ben had never seen her react so harshly to anything before. Whatever had been said had to have been terrible, and the fact that she’d told him that if she never saw him again it would be too soon, even when she thought she'd whispered as quietly as she could… he sincerely hoped she’d never have to eat those words.

He gave her an hour, then went and knocked on her office door.

“Come in…” he heard.

Opening the door, he saw her with her nose buried in passport renewals and immigration applications.

“Karen, are you alright?” he stood at the door, Stetson tucked under his arm.

“Never better, Benton, thank you for asking.” She made a point of avoiding his eyes, her voice was tight and strained. “How can I help you?”

“I came to see if you needed anything, actually,” he answered. “I’m about to head out to see Ray but didn’t want to leave before making sure no one else needed anything.”

“That’s kind of you, but I’m alright. Please say hello to Ray for me.”

“I will.” He closed her door, but an uneasy feeling had settled in his chest. Something about the way she spoke told him that all was not well, no matter how much the lady doth protest.

It was a thought that bothered him the entire afternoon, and when he returned to the Consulate later that night, he noticed her office light was still on. It was well after eight o’clock on a Friday night, what was she still doing at work?

Walking past her door on the way to his own office, he heard the unmistakable sound of quiet sobbing and a tissue being torn from the box that he knew she kept on the corner of her desk.

Oh dear…

He knocked on the door and pushed it open on her invitation. The sight of her made his heart break. Dabbing at her eyes with one hand and grabbing another tissue to wipe her nose, he invited himself into her office and waited in the corner until she gave him permission to come closer.

When she did acknowledge his presence, he very quietly sat opposite her desk and offered his hand, palm up, to show he meant no harm. A bolt of electricity went up his arm when she took it.

“I’m so sorry, I didn’t know you’d be back so soon.” He waited as she threw the tissues into the wastebasket beside her desk. “Oh Lord, it's eight o'clock already? Normally I would have gone home by now, but I think I’m still in shock.”

“What happened?” he asked, running his thumb along the top of her hand.

She took a deep breath. “As you know, my brother was here earlier…”

“Bad news, I assume?”

And out came the entire story. How he’d promised to look after their mother while she went to Depot, and now he’d gone and bought his best friend’s old suit and signed himself up. She was absolutely sure he was never going to come home. She’d broken their mother’s heart, but he had mostly shattered it. Now their mother was moving in with Sam and Shannon and would be taking care of their children, and she didn’t know how to feel about it.

Instead of opening his mouth and saying something he might regret, Ben let go of her hand, went around her desk, and offered his hand again. She accepted, and he lead her to his office. 

“What?”

“You shouldn’t try driving home tonight,” he insisted. “You could take my cot. I’ll find somewhere else to sleep.”

“I can’t ask you to do that.”

“You’re not asking, I’m offering,” he insisted again. “Do you have extra clothes or a toothbrush?”

“I always have an overnight bag packed in my closet, just in case,” she answered. “Just behind my desk. I can get it…”

“No no. If it’s alright, I can get it for you.” He practically sprinted back to her office and located the bag. Handing it to her, he shut his office door to allow her to change into her nightclothes in peace. She emerged a few minutes later dressed on a t-shirt and pajama pants adorned with blue plaid.

“Washroom, gotta brush my teeth.”

He nodded, and took the opportunity to grab his own nightclothes.

Five minutes later, she came back to his office, looking much better for having gotten changed out of her uniform and started her nighttime routine. She smiled at him as he draped his long johns over his arm and waited.

“Thank you for this, truly,” Karen reached out and very gently cupped his cheek. “It’s good to know I’ve got a friend.”

“A votre service,” he had no idea why he’d suddenly spoken in French, but this time, Karen’s smile reached her eyes.

“Comme je suis a toi,” she answered before waking back into his office and closing the door for the night.

He slept across his office threshold that night.

He would do the same again three months later, the night Karen received a letter baring the Canadian Army insignia...


End file.
